stumplane:

afternoonsnoozebutton:

rottenweiler:

i know that the bicycle thing is probably being used as a euphemism for “he sleeps with a lot of people” but all i could imagine at first was going on a date with a really attractive, intelligent man, and you get super attached to him but then one day when you finally go back to his house after dinner you unzip his pants or unbutton his shirt and suddenly all of his clothes fall off and he’s a bike. literally a bike. he clatters to the ground with a cling and a clang and you stand there in the living room, staring at a bike on the ground, and you think, why does this always happen to me

Ugh, I hate it when my boyfriends turn out to be Illuminati.

Illuminati

I’m actually a bicycle

(Source: andaliteticklefight, via odoriferouszephyrs)